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| Family Night |
By Paul J. Ashton, Psy.D., D.Min.
Consultant to the VIRTUS® Programs
 “As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. “
—Author Unknown
“School days, school days, dear old Golden Rule days. 'Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic. Taught to the tune of the hick'ry stick…”[1] Well, the methods and the classes and curricula certainly have been modernized, but the feelings about the end of a good summer vacation remain largely unchanged. Another summer has come to a quick end and the school bell has rung. The moans and groans of children and the cheers and hoorays of parents somehow join together to blend harmonically and, before you know it, everyone is back into the groove of a regular schedule.
As everyone is getting settled in, it might be a good opportunity for families to sit down and review the “Family Rules.” If you don’t have any set rules, think for a moment, or ask your children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews—they will list them for you, I am sure. Most times family rules are unwritten and non-spoken until someone breaks one of them—then a “look” from an adult follows, or worse—some strongly spoken words.
Taking the time to get all of your family together is a chore these days, but everyone knows the great benefits that follow a fun night of pizza, smores, and some good family togetherness. They are the memories that build a strong and secure foundation for every child. Perhaps one of these nights this fall you could focus around the family and the issues of safety that each member needs to know. The evening should be fun-centered and the “rules” portion of the gathering should be brief, serious, and to the point. It should start with parents telling the children how much they are loved by them and by God and no matter what happens, they will continue to love them. Perhaps this is a good place to insert some of your family values, for example how you respect life at each and every stage and level.
Then, ask one of the kids to list some of the rules you all agree on. You can use a big poster board or even a notebook. Since 9/11, all of us have heightened our awareness about issues of safety. Talk about those who serve the country to promote peace, and those who serve to protect us through the fire and police departments and in hospitals and schools. Talk about special safe adults—the people who you clearly name—who your children can go to in a crisis. These topics can lead to the listing of other important rules and important things to know list. Here are some examples:
- Does each member of the family know the important telephone numbers and addresses needed if they don’t have use of speed dial on their cell phone? (Including parent’s work numbers, grandparent’s, etc.)
- For younger children, write in black permanent marker on the inside of all of their shoes—the telephone number of parents and/or guardians. This can be a secret place where they can find the number if they need it in an emergency.
- Make a plan in the case of an emergency. Where will the family meet? Make plans for who will be a partner or contact for each member of the family… a “buddy system.”
- Create a word that the family knows that will be a signal if someone is in trouble. This word can be texted or left on a message, if necessary.
- Teach each member what to do if something or someone is bothering them, touching them, etc. Provide guidance as to where should they go for help and what to say.
- Establish fire and disaster safety rules for your home. Have a fire drill.
- Talk about the differences between people who do good things and people who do good things just to get closer to you to harm or hurt you.
- Talk about saying “NO” and the ability and power that each family member has to use this option.
- Ask older children or members in the family to talk about their own personal experiences and what they want to let the younger members of the family know about keeping safe and out of harm’s way.
- Ask other parents, teachers, and caring adults what they would add to the list—and be certain to let everyone know that the safety of each member of the family is the primary concern for the whole family. This is also an excellent opportunity to discuss “bullying,” it will not be tolerated, and that no one in the family should be the victim or aggressor in any way.
The good ‘ole days have come and gone, but remember that the present is what will constitute “good ‘ole” for the children who live now. Make the days count and make sure to have fun!
[1] Music by Gus Edwards; Lyrics by Will D. Cobb, 1907
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| Last Week's Poll
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Have you ever found yourself in the position of serving as a “de facto” guardian to a young person?
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Yes
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56.90%
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No
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43.10%
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Total Votes: 1819
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